1983-1983
In ideal conditions:
- Two objects of any mass dropped
from the same height will land at the same time.
- An object in motion tends to stay
in motion.
In ideal conditions:
- Megan Cauley will be born and
brought home to a three-storey lake house to receive the constant care of her parents
and nanny.
- Megan Cauley father, Donovan Cauley,
will hold her tight, glance at the open bedroom window, and turn away.
- Megan Cauley will coo her first
coherent syllables at eight months of age: “Mama.”
- Megan Cauley will learn to love
squash but detest peas.
- Megan Cauley will graduate from
diapers to pull-ups.
- Megan Cauley will grow bored with
her Barbies and develop a fondness for her playmates’ matchbox cars.
- Megan Cauley will blow, chase, and
pop bubbles.
- Megan Cauley will cordially invite
a Barney doll, plush monkey, plastic giraffe, and Cocoa, the family dog, to a tea party.
- Megan Cauley will be bullied at
school for her curly red hair.
- Megan Cauley will try coffee to
feel like an adult.
- Megan Cauley will spit the coffee
back into the cup.
- Megan Cauley will place third in
the fifth grade spelling bee.
- Megan Cauley will pitch into the
game-losing double in little league softball.
- Megan Cauley will arrive to
classes late due to forgetting her locker combination.
- Megan Cauley will receive a three-year-old
sports car as her sixteenth birthday gift.
- Megan Cauley will lose her
virginity three weeks later in the back seat, the car parked to the side of a
country road.
- Megan Cauley will catch her
boyfriend describing sexual fantasies to another girl over text messaging.
- Megan Cauley will be accepted into
a private university on the East Coast and graduate twentieth in her high
school class of 450 students.
- Megan Cauley will receive untoward
advances from an American History TA.
- Megan Cauley will slip and tumble
down a flight of icy steps the same winter she finishes college and earns a
teaching certificate.
- Megan Cauley will receive untoward
advances from an eleventh-grade American History student.
- Megan Cauley will cut her hair
short after noticing her first gray strand.
- Megan Cauley will marry a coworker
with whom she had taken a group of seniors to see a presidential inauguration.
- Megan Cauley will move into a new
house and buy two puppies: one springer spaniel and one chihuahua.
- Megan Cauley will celebrate her
thirty-fifth birthday by leaving her husband, crossing the river, and moving to
Kansas City.
- Megan Cauley will join a book club
and begin a wine collection.
- Megan Cauley will realize pink is
not her color.
- Megan Cauley will step on a scale
and sigh.
- Megan Cauley will cook an
excellent batch of toasted ravioli and share it with her neighbor, a divorced
man of forty-seven.
- Megan Cauley will dye her hair
brown.
- Megan Cauley will retire and move
into an apartment with her new pet.
- Megan Cauley will teach her
parakeet to greet visitors.
- Megan Cauley will stop knitting
due to her arthritis.
- Megan Cauley will order a cooking
appliance advertised on television.
- Megan Cauley will discover that a
robber broke into her apartment during church and stole her jewelry and a box
of coffee cake.
- Megan Cauley will wet her bed
during a nightmare.
- Megan Cauley will compose an email
to her former husband, sign it, address it, and promptly delete it.
- Megan Cauley will play her
favorite Sheryl Crow album on computer and remember her best friend from
elementary school.
- Megan Cauley will take regional
rail from Kansas City to St.
Louis, transfer onto the northbound route, and perish in the
lavatory as the train barrels toward the Piasa Heights
station.
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